Bittersweet

Like the smell of your sweat

as you push down on me....

by my chest. I can still breathe,

but barely, as I wait patiently...

..impatiently. Move up slowly,

like choking, while I hold my breath,

and count...from now til forever.

Trying to picture everything in between,

but coming up with only zeros

and arrows and question marks.

Searching your eyes, your face,

for answers...willing you to return

my stare. Wondering if you're holding

back or if you're also unsure.

Wishing you would push harder,

unmask your emotion, and see

how much I Feel.

Hearing everything but what I want to

hear, as I teeter on the edge of

life as I know it... on the brink of

something new, unexpected, scary,

and wonderful. When you let go

and retreat, and I'm left...alone,

gasping for air.

you can't deal with all this negativity?

funny, since a good deal of the negativity in my life has been coming from you....

and I was JUST thinking the same thing....

maybe...you can't deal with all this negativity because

you can't seem to DEAL with anything right now.

you can't deal with your insomnia,

you can't deal with feeling sick.

you can't deal with being out of the army

and you can't find a job.

you can't see any reason not to spend your day playing video games.

you can't understand how I feel, now or ever.

you can't see that you're regressing,

and you won't try to help yourself.

you can't deal with the uncertain future.

you can't deal with emotion or commitment.

you can't make a decision to save your life,

but you can decide that you can't deal with this negativity.

well, that's fine.